Scientology communication tools and principles for creating, maintaining, and strengthening your marriage
South African marriages face extraordinary pressures. Economic stress from high unemployment and cost of living, cultural tensions, long work hours, and the legacy of social disruption have created an environment where maintaining a healthy marriage is extremely difficult. The divorce rate continues to rise, and many couples who stay together report being unhappy or disconnected.
The most common marriage problems in South Africa mirror global patterns but are intensified by local conditions: communication breakdown (partners stop truly listening to each other), financial stress (money problems create constant tension), loss of connection (daily responsibilities cause emotional distance), unresolved conflicts (past hurts accumulate and create resentment), and different goals (partners have conflicting visions for the future).
Traditional marriage counseling often fails because it focuses on talking about problems without providing actual tools to solve them. Couples spend hours discussing their feelings but leave without practical skills for communication, conflict resolution, or rebuilding connection. The result: temporary relief but no lasting change.
There is a better way. L. Ron Hubbard developed precise, workable tools for creating and maintaining successful marriages. These aren't theories or suggestions—they're exact techniques that produce measurable results when applied correctly. Thousands of couples worldwide have used these tools to transform struggling marriages into thriving partnerships.
Partners stop truly listening to each other. Small misunderstandings become major conflicts. Arguments go in circles without resolution. Silence replaces conversation. The emotional connection fades.
Money problems create constant tension. Disagreements about spending, saving, and priorities. Blame and resentment build. Financial pressure becomes the excuse for all problems.
Daily responsibilities consume all time and energy. Partners become roommates instead of lovers. Emotional intimacy disappears. The relationship feels empty and unfulfilling.
Past hurts accumulate and never heal. The same arguments repeat endlessly. Resentment builds. Partners keep score of wrongs. Trust erodes over time.
The fundamental problem isn't lack of love or compatibility. It's lack of workable tools. Most people enter marriage with no training in communication, conflict resolution, or partnership. They rely on instinct, copy what they saw in their parents' marriage, and hope for the best.
When problems arise—and they always do—couples don't know how to handle them. They argue ineffectively, withdraw in frustration, or seek advice from friends who don't have the tools either. The marriage deteriorates not because the partners are incompatible, but because they lack the technology to make it work.
L. Ron Hubbard researched and developed precise principles for creating successful marriages. Unlike vague advice or philosophical concepts, these are exact tools that produce predictable results when applied correctly. The foundation of a successful marriage, according to Scientology, rests on three pillars: Communication, Affinity (love and mutual respect), and Reality (shared understanding and agreement).
These three elements form the ARC Triangle—one of the most important discoveries in Scientology. Understanding and applying the ARC Triangle gives couples a powerful diagnostic and improvement tool for their relationship. When marriage problems arise, the ARC Triangle shows you exactly what's out and how to fix it.
Love, liking, emotional connection, and mutual respect. The feeling of closeness and caring between partners.
"How much do we like/love each other?"
Shared understanding, agreement on what's true, common ground, and aligned perceptions of life.
"What do we agree on?"
Open, honest exchange of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Both partners speak and listen.
"Are we talking and listening?"
Marriage is a partnership, not ownership
Both partners are individuals with their own goals, purposes, and identities. Support each other's growth while building a shared life.
Communication is the universal solvent
Any problem can be resolved through proper communication. When communication breaks down, all other problems multiply.
Affinity, Reality, and Communication are interdependent
When one element of the ARC Triangle rises, the others rise. When one falls, the others fall. You can raise any corner to improve the whole relationship.
Responsibility is the key to a successful marriage
Both partners must take full responsibility for the relationship's success. Blame, excuses, and victimhood destroy marriages.
Exchange must be fair and abundant
Both partners must contribute to the relationship. When one gives much more than they receive (or vice versa), resentment builds and the marriage fails.
Handle upsets immediately
Don't let small problems accumulate. Address upsets as they occur using proper communication technology. Unhandled upsets compound over time.
Scientology marriage principles work because they're based on fundamental laws of human relationships, not cultural norms or personal opinions. L. Ron Hubbard discovered and codified the basic elements that make any relationship succeed or fail. These principles apply universally—across cultures, time periods, and individual differences.
When you align your marriage with these principles (high ARC, proper communication, mutual responsibility, fair exchange), success becomes predictable. When you violate them (low ARC, poor communication, blame, unfair exchange), failure is inevitable. The Marriage Course teaches you how to apply these principles in daily life.
In Scientology, communication is defined as "the interchange of ideas or objects between two people or terminals." Proper communication requires that a message be sent, received, understood, and acknowledged. When any part of this cycle breaks down, communication fails—and relationship problems multiply.
Most marriage problems stem from communication breakdown. Partners talk but don't listen. They hear words but don't understand meaning. They respond before acknowledging. They assume instead of asking. They withdraw instead of engaging. The result: constant misunderstanding, unresolved conflicts, and growing distance.
The Marriage Course teaches the Communication Formula—exact steps for ensuring your communication is received and understood. When both partners apply this formula, misunderstandings vanish, conflicts resolve quickly, and emotional connection deepens.
Cause (Sender)
Person who originates the communication
Distance
Space/time between sender and receiver
Effect (Receiver)
Person who receives the communication
Acknowledgment
Receiver confirms they got the message
Role Reversal
Receiver becomes sender, cycle continues
❌ Not Listening
Partner talks but you're thinking about your response instead of hearing them
❌ No Acknowledgment
You respond without confirming you understood what was said
❌ Interrupting
You cut off your partner before they finish their thought
❌ Assuming
You think you know what they mean without asking for clarification
❌ Withdrawing
You shut down and stop communicating when upset
❌ Attacking
You respond with criticism or defensiveness instead of understanding
Real communication is two-way—both partners must have a chance to be Cause (sender) and Effect (receiver). One-way communication (one person always talking, the other always listening) creates imbalance and resentment. Healthy marriage requires that both partners can originate communication, be heard, and receive acknowledgment.
The Marriage Course includes practical exercises to develop two-way communication skills. You practice sending messages clearly, receiving them fully, acknowledging genuinely, and switching roles smoothly. These drills may seem simple, but they build the foundation for all successful communication in your marriage.
Poor Communication: Wife says "You never help with housework." Husband immediately responds "That's not true, I helped last week!" Both are now upset, neither feels heard, the problem isn't resolved.
Proper Communication: Wife says "I feel overwhelmed by housework and would like more help." Husband acknowledges: "I hear you—you're feeling overwhelmed and want more help." Wife confirms: "Yes, exactly." Husband responds: "Let's figure out how I can help more. What specific tasks would make the biggest difference?" They can now solve the problem together.
The difference is acknowledgment and understanding before responding. This simple shift prevents most marriage conflicts.
The ARC Triangle is one of L. Ron Hubbard's most important discoveries about human relationships. It states that Affinity, Reality, and Communication are interdependent—when one element rises, the others rise; when one falls, the others fall. This gives you a precise diagnostic tool for your marriage.
When your marriage is struggling, check the ARC Triangle: Is affinity (love, liking) low? Is reality (agreement, shared understanding) missing? Has communication broken down? Once you identify which corner is out, you can raise it—and the other two will rise automatically.
Do something kind, spend quality time together, show appreciation, physical touch
Find areas of agreement, acknowledge shared values, align on goals, create common ground
Talk openly, listen fully, acknowledge genuinely, ask questions, share feelings
Problem: You and your partner haven't had a real conversation in weeks. When you try to talk, it goes nowhere. You feel disconnected.
ARC Triangle Solution: Don't force communication when affinity and reality are low. Instead, raise affinity first—do something kind, spend enjoyable time together, show appreciation. Then find reality—discuss something you both agree on or care about. Once affinity and reality rise, communication becomes natural and easy.
✓ Result: Communication flows naturally when affinity and reality are high
Problem: Every conversation turns into an argument. You disagree about everything. There's no common ground.
ARC Triangle Solution: Reality is low—you're not seeing things the same way. Stop trying to convince your partner you're right. Instead, find areas where you DO agree. Start with small things: "We both want our kids to be happy," "We both care about financial security," "We both value honesty." Build from there.
✓ Result: Agreement in one area spreads to others; conflicts reduce
Problem: You communicate fine about logistics (schedules, bills, kids) but there's no emotional connection. You feel like roommates, not partners.
ARC Triangle Solution: Affinity is low. Communication exists but it's not creating closeness because there's no affection behind it. Raise affinity through physical touch, quality time, appreciation, acts of service, and genuine interest in your partner's life. Affinity creates the emotional warmth that makes communication meaningful.
✓ Result: Emotional connection returns; marriage feels alive again
The ARC Triangle gives you a precise tool for improving your marriage. Instead of vaguely trying to "work on the relationship," you can identify exactly which element is low and take specific action to raise it. This systematic approach produces predictable results.
The Marriage Course teaches you to use the ARC Triangle in daily life—recognizing when ARC is dropping, taking immediate action to raise it, and maintaining high ARC through consistent application. This single tool has saved thousands of marriages.
All marriages have upsets and conflicts—that's normal. The difference between successful and failed marriages isn't the absence of problems; it's how problems are handled. Scientology provides exact tools for resolving upsets before they become crises.
An upset is a break in ARC. Something happened that lowered affinity, reality, or communication. The key to handling upsets is identifying what broke ARC and restoring it. Most couples make the mistake of trying to solve the surface problem without restoring ARC first—this never works.
Recognize the upset exists
Don't ignore or suppress it. Acknowledge that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.
Restore affinity first
Before trying to talk it out, do something to raise affinity—a kind gesture, a hug, an apology, or simply expressing that you care.
Find an area of agreement (reality)
Identify something you both agree on: "We both want to resolve this," "We both care about our relationship," "We both feel hurt."
Communicate using the communication formula
Take turns speaking and listening. Acknowledge what your partner says before responding. Seek to understand, not to win.
Find the real problem
Often the surface argument isn't the real issue. Keep communicating until you discover what's actually bothering your partner.
Resolve it together
Work as a team to find a solution that works for both partners. Compromise, adjust, and commit to the resolution.
Restore full ARC
Ensure affinity, reality, and communication are all high before considering the upset handled. Don't leave residual bad feelings.
The best way to handle upsets is to prevent them by maintaining high ARC. When affinity, reality, and communication are consistently high, small problems don't become big upsets. Partners feel connected, understood, and loved—so minor irritations are easily handled.
The Marriage Course teaches you to monitor and maintain ARC daily. This proactive approach prevents most marriage problems before they start. When upsets do occur, you have the tools to resolve them quickly and completely.
The Marriage Course is a practical, hands-on program that teaches you the exact tools for creating and maintaining a successful marriage. Unlike traditional counseling that focuses on talking about problems, this course gives you skills you can apply immediately to improve your relationship.
The course is based on L. Ron Hubbard's writings about marriage, communication, and relationships. It's self-paced, so you study at your own speed. A trained course supervisor is available to help you understand the materials and practice the exercises. Both partners can take the course together or separately.
Written Materials
Study L. Ron Hubbard's writings on marriage, communication, and relationships
Practical Exercises
Practice communication drills, ARC exercises, and upset handling with your partner or a twin
Course Supervisor
Trained supervisor helps you understand materials and ensures you can apply the tools
Self-Paced
Study at your own speed—typically 2-4 weeks depending on your schedule
Completion Certificate
Receive certificate upon successful completion of all materials and exercises
The Marriage Course is available at all Church of Scientology locations in South Africa: Johannesburg (Hillbrow & Lyndhurst), Cape Town (Wynberg), and Durban (Westville). Contact your nearest church for current course schedule, pricing, and enrollment information.
Johannesburg
+27 11 787 1305
Cape Town
Contact for details
Durban
Contact for details
Johannesburg, 2024
"We were literally signing divorce papers when a friend suggested we try the Marriage Course. We had nothing to lose, so we agreed. The course taught us that our problem wasn't incompatibility—it was lack of communication skills. We learned the Communication Formula and the ARC Triangle."
"Within two weeks, we were talking again—really talking, not just arguing. We discovered we still loved each other; we just didn't know how to communicate. We learned to handle upsets immediately instead of letting them accumulate. Six months later, our marriage is better than it's ever been. We tore up the divorce papers."
— Married 12 years, 2 children
Cape Town, 2023
"We took the Marriage Course during our engagement. Our friends thought we were crazy—'You're not even married yet, why do you need marriage counseling?' But we wanted to start our marriage with the best possible tools, not learn them after problems developed."
"The course taught us how to communicate effectively, handle conflicts before they become crises, and maintain high ARC. Two years into our marriage, we use these tools daily. While our friends are already struggling with communication problems, we have a strong, happy partnership. Best investment we ever made."
— Married 2 years, took course during engagement
Pretoria, 2024
"I had an affair. My husband found out. Our marriage was destroyed—trust was gone, communication was impossible, we were both devastated. A Scientologist friend recommended the Marriage Course. I didn't think anything could save us, but we were willing to try."
"The course taught us that the affair was a symptom of communication breakdown, not the cause. We learned to communicate honestly about what had been missing in our marriage. I took full responsibility for my actions. My husband learned to express his needs instead of withdrawing. Rebuilding trust took time, but we had the tools to do it. Our marriage is now stronger than before the crisis."
— Married 15 years, rebuilt trust after infidelity
Durban, 2023
"After 20 years of marriage, we were like roommates. We didn't fight—we just didn't connect. We handled logistics (kids, bills, schedules) but had no emotional intimacy. We considered divorce but felt guilty because there was no obvious problem. We just weren't happy."
"The Marriage Course showed us that affinity had dropped over the years. We were communicating about practical things but not about our feelings, dreams, or fears. We learned to raise affinity through quality time, appreciation, and genuine interest in each other's lives. The emotional connection returned. We fell in love again. Our marriage is now what we always wanted it to be."
— Married 20 years, reconnected through Marriage Course
These are just a few examples. Thousands of couples worldwide have transformed their marriages using the tools taught in the Marriage Course.
Scientology views marriage as a partnership based on affinity (love and mutual respect), reality (shared understanding and agreement), and communication (open, honest exchange). L. Ron Hubbard taught that successful marriages require active work—they don't just happen automatically. The Marriage Course provides practical tools for creating communication, resolving conflicts, understanding your partner, and building a shared vision for the future. Scientology emphasizes that both partners must contribute to the relationship and support each other's personal growth while maintaining their individual identities.
Absolutely. The Marriage Course is open to anyone who wants to improve their relationship, regardless of religious affiliation. The tools taught are practical and secular—they're about communication, understanding, and partnership, not religious doctrine. Many couples who take the course are not Scientologists; they simply recognize that the tools work. The course focuses on workable techniques that strengthen any marriage, regardless of the partners' beliefs.
The Marriage Course typically takes 2-4 weeks to complete, depending on your schedule and pace. It's self-paced, so you can study at times that work for you. The course includes written materials, practical exercises, and demonstrations with a trained supervisor. Cost varies by location; contact the Church of Scientology in South Africa for current pricing. Many couples find the investment is recovered quickly through improved communication, reduced conflict, and greater happiness in their relationship.
The ARC Triangle is a fundamental principle in Scientology that explains the relationship between Affinity (love, liking, emotional connection), Reality (shared understanding, agreement on what's true), and Communication (exchange of ideas and feelings). These three elements are interdependent—when one goes up, the others rise; when one drops, the others fall. In marriage, this means: if you want more affinity (love), increase communication and find areas of reality (agreement). If communication has broken down, work on affinity (do something kind) and reality (find something you agree on). The ARC Triangle gives you a precise tool for diagnosing and improving your relationship.
Scientology provides several tools for handling conflicts: 1) The Communication Formula—ensure your message is received and understood before expecting a response. 2) The ARC Triangle—when upset, restore affinity and reality before trying to communicate. 3) Two-Way Communication—both partners must have a chance to speak and be heard. 4) Acknowledgment—genuinely acknowledge what your partner says before responding. 5) Finding the Real Problem—often the surface argument isn't the real issue; use communication to discover what's actually bothering your partner. These tools prevent small upsets from becoming major conflicts and provide exact steps to resolve disagreements when they occur.
Many couples have used the Marriage Course to save relationships that were on the brink of divorce. The course provides tools that address the root causes of marital problems—communication breakdown, loss of affinity, conflicting realities, unresolved upsets. When both partners are willing to apply the tools, even severely damaged relationships can be restored. However, success requires commitment from both people. If only one partner is willing to work on the marriage, progress is limited. The course works best when both partners participate and apply what they learn.
You can still benefit from taking the Marriage Course alone. When you improve your own communication skills, understanding, and ability to create affinity, your behavior changes—and that affects the relationship. Many people report that after they took the course, their partner noticed the improvement and became interested in learning the tools too. Even if your partner never takes the course, you'll have practical skills for handling upsets, communicating effectively, and creating a better relationship. Change starts with you.
Scientology doesn't prohibit divorce. The church recognizes that sometimes marriages fail despite best efforts, and people have the right to end relationships that aren't working. However, Scientology strongly encourages couples to use the available tools to improve their marriage before considering divorce. Many relationships that seemed hopeless have been saved through application of communication technology, the ARC Triangle, and marriage counseling. Divorce is seen as a last resort after genuine attempts to resolve problems have been exhausted.
The Marriage Course addresses trust and ethics through the principles of exchange, responsibility, and communication. Infidelity is viewed as a breach of the partnership agreement and a failure of communication—often the unfaithful partner was unable to communicate their needs or dissatisfactions. Rebuilding trust requires: 1) Full honesty about what happened, 2) Taking responsibility for the breach, 3) Demonstrating changed behavior over time, 4) Restoring communication so problems are addressed before they lead to betrayal. The course provides tools for these steps, but rebuilding trust takes time and consistent application.
Yes! The Marriage Course is excellent for engaged couples who want to build a strong foundation before marriage. Learning communication tools, understanding the ARC Triangle, and practicing conflict resolution before problems arise gives couples a huge advantage. Many couples take the course during engagement to ensure they're starting their marriage with the best possible tools. It's much easier to prevent problems than to fix them later. The course helps couples align their goals, establish good communication patterns, and create realistic expectations for married life.
Don't wait until problems become crises. Learn the tools for lasting love today.
Hillbrow & Lyndhurst
+27 11 787 1305
Wynberg
Contact for details
Westville
Contact for details
Learn practical tools for communication, conflict resolution, and lasting love. Contact us to enroll in the Marriage Course at your nearest Church of Scientology location.
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